Adefolake Ayotunde-Salami
Hubby and I are very different but when it comes to our belief in Jesus Christ and our dream of a small wedding, we are definitely on the same page. Conversations late into the night always left us dreaming of how a small wedding would be magical but we both knew it was only a dream as he is the first born and only son, while I am the last born and only girl. Where do we go from here? Which parent do we explain our need for the money rather than a crowd of people we barely know?
We both decided, it would be best to allow our parents have their dream weddings. As a wise child would know a typical Nigerian wedding is for the parents not for the couple. However, not long after preparations, we began to identify decisions we could have improved upon.
In case you are wondering why we had three weddings, here it is. We had a Civil, Traditional and White Wedding. For the civil ceremony, it did not cost an arm and a leg, however, my husband had to fly from Lagos to Abuja with his sister (witness) for the civil wedding. Because of time constraints, we had to also fly our Lagos based Photographer (Timi Oshin) down to Abuja for the pre-wedding shoot because it made no sense getting another photographer and paying additional cost.
We had our Traditional and White wedding exactly six months apart in two different cities, Lagos and Abuja, respectively because most of my in-law’s guests and some of our guests as well were coming from other countries for the white wedding and needed time to book their flights. Covid-19 did not make it easy but trust me, our wedding was still a carnival. Our Traditional wedding which held in Lagos State happened exactly a month after my eldest brother’s wedding and our white wedding was exactly two weeks after my immediate elder brother’s wedding. Talk about three siblings getting married within the space of seven months.
All in all, our three wedding ceremonies could sincerely not be better, it was the best. Yes, a few mistakes here and there but I guess that it what made us really cherish each other because my husband and I quickly realised some lessons I will be sharing here;
- Never too early to start praying about your wedding:
Duhhh, I would always talk about God first. Of course, because when I think of everything we went through before, during and after the three ceremonies, I realised we could have started praying earlier. Hubby and I had started praying together about a year before the wedding but we prayed about other things, never about the wedding. We only started praying about the wedding after our parents got involved and we started looking at dates. Ladies, pray about your wedding. No, you are not desperate, you are only committing the unknown into the hands of the One who knows.
- Pray about everything:
I am reminded about the story of Potiphar and Joseph, everyone keeps talking about Potiphar’s wife but what of the husband. He placed everything in Joseph’s hands except the wife. Joseph placed everything that was handed over to him in God’s hands and that is why it was only the wife that was vulnerable. At least he should have handed over the wife to God, even if he did not want to hand her over to Joseph.
My husband and I forgot to pray about the little things and those were the little things that tried to steal our joy but thank God for God. Little things such as: hotel reservations, flight bookings, people’s comments, too many to mention. Prayer changes everything, I strongly believe so.
- Have a plan:
Anyone that really knows me, knows I love to plan. I started planning for my wedding even way back before we were certain we were going to get married. Not because I am a wedding-lover, I hardly go to weddings only if you are family but because I love to plan. I already have my 5 – 10 years plan, I believe if I plan, even if things do not go exactly the way I want, it cannot be far off; plus the Bible tells us “Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it”. So immediately God told me I would definitely get married, I started writing what I wanted (Wedding gown designer, Aso Oke designer, Cities of the weddings, Alaga, Cake designer etc). Looking back now, I got every single vendor I wanted except one which my husband found a better vendor. Have a plan!
Bishop David Oyedepo has a popular saying, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”
- Be open to change:
As mentioned, I got every single vendor I wanted except one which my husband suggested someone else. Believe me when I tell you, this vendor was my favourite of all the vendors. On time, straightforward, very creative and most of all, sweet. Absolutely no regret with listening to my husband and I am sure probably cheaper. Keep an open mind, you must not get every vendor you want, especially if it is not a major vendor.
- Do not spend your savings:
There are principles on finances and you cannot pray your way out of poverty, all you have to do is follow the principles. When I realized some things were slacking based on several reasons, I did not want to go back to my dad whom I had already given the budget. I decided to pick up the tab. I was right not to go back to my dad because he was paying for my siblings weddings and mine within the space of 7 months but I was wrong to pick up the tab because I did not have so much money in my spending accounts except savings account. No, I did not spend everything, not even quarter but I still touched money that I had other plans for. Stick to the money you have in your spending account and have a budget you strictly follow.
Our wedding was a hit! Back to Back!!!
